it's 4:30 in the morning as i write this and there's something interesting about t.A.T.u that i can't correctly capture with words but will try and fail to do so anyway because i failed to write anything interesting or coherent all week and i just drank like two cups of coffee so it's not like i can sleep anytime soon

The following is a lightly touched up article I wrote during an all-nighter a few weeks ago. I wasn’t sure if I should make it public but since my friend Tom said I should release something “human/personal” after the last two weeks of techno-nihilism I thought this could be an interesting escape. So, tread carefully and if I unintentionally covered things incorrectly or was unintentionally insensitive please blame Tom instead of expecting to me have basic levels of accountability - I was tired!


As the two friends who’ll eventually get roped into reading this trainwreck of a blog post will know, I’m a bit of a messy bitch and because of this I have an obsession with music that’s dramatic and hyper-emotional to the point of being extremely cheesy. If your music doesn’t make you sound like you’d impulsively put your hand down a shredder after being ghosted by a dude I just don’t have time for you anymore. This obsession has manifested itself in three ways over the last month - either through listening to a lot of early Xiu Xiu and the same three Björk songs on repeat with headphones on, hopping on the inevitable “The Prodigy was good actually” bandwagon before half of RYM or blaring some of the tackiest 2000s pop music at four in the morning. And to think that only two years ago I was one of those people who thought that listening to Bandcamp bands was a personality trait! Anyways, this brings us to this current point in time. I’m sitting at my laptop at a stupid hour in the morning feeling slightly sad and vaguely caffeinated trying to capture the exact reason why I’m just after listening to the song “All The Things She Said” for the seventh time in a row and why I’m just after spamming one of my uninterested friends with several discord messages about the band’s Wikipedia page. I’m really living my best life and this was a great idea.

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Author's profile picture ciaran m.

youtube isn't your friend, it's your boss

Shock! Horror! It's just after breaking that Article 13, arguably one of the biggest things scaring extremely-online nerds has been voted in by the European Parliament, presumably bringing us filthy Europeans into an online caliphate where everything left online is just a series of regurgitated scenes from The Late Late Show with James Corden. Some of the coverage surrounding the article is downright apocalyptic, with every annoying person on Reddit screaming incoherently about how it'll supposedly make memes illegal and every mildly-successful tech company is pulling the whole "this will stifle online expression" wank all over again. I dare you to take a shot every time some pimply-faced mouth-breather says some variation of the sentence "This is a dark day for online freedom" in the YouTube comment section of a video hosted by an oddly right-wing furry. Now, this isn't to say that Article 13 is good (I'm not that much of a spiteful contrarian!), it's an objectively stupid attempt by those with a large amount of money to wring slightly more money out of tech companies who also have a large amount of money. Sure both sides have a wank about how this will either aid or hurt the mythical "small creator" but in reality, the whole argument is just framed incorrectly and neither side truly cares about the creator. The whole discourse surrounding Article 13 (like all discussions on laws relating to the internet) is just seen from a weird "us vs them" angle where on one side there's "us", the cool internet users and tech CEOs who know things and care about concepts such as "freedom of expression" and "the online community" while on the other side there's "them" - old farts in government who still use Windows 98, google image search "legs" to jerk off and smell weird. In reality things are quite different. Today I'm going to try to use Article 13 as a launching pad to talk about how we as small creators need to organize, how discussions like these need to be framed in future and how writing the same blog post over and over is actually productive guys!

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Author's profile picture ciaran m.

you got what you wanted

Acting as if we’re going to remember this story in two days isn’t genuine. Like pretty much every other incident of right-wing terrorism from the last few years we’ll have a small collective song and dance about how horrible the incident was, perhaps get mad at twitter at some smug media pundit saying something intentionally cruel to draw attention to themselves, pen a few badly written blog posts so we can feel some vague sense of catharsis and gesture to one another that this has to be the point where something changes. Then we’ll pretty much forget about the whole thing when Trump tweets something that implies he was in the crips or something equally inane. The fact of the matter is that in three weeks - let alone three months, the same exact people who pushed the ideology who lead to this shooting will continue doing so largely unchallenged. Sure some token actions may be taken and perhaps we’ll see one or two alt-righters get deplatformed for being a little bit too blatant but to think that anything major will be done by corporations to prevent right-wing organization on their platforms is naive at best. Look at Charlottesville, look at Pittsburgh, look at Charleston. Did corporations do anything to take proper steps against the alt-right who literally organized on their platforms? Nope.

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Author's profile picture ciaran m.

why do i make things?

The following was originally intended as a script for a video I was planning on releasing at the end of 2018 as a part of a series of vlogs on YouTube but scrapped after producing and editing the vlog this was intended to be in. I scrapped this series as working with video felt extremely tedious and it felt embarrassing to talk into a microphone. I don’t necessarily agree with all the points within this script (in hindsight I just sound like a stereotypical ennea-type four) but I feel like this script is interesting enough to warrant being seen by the two friends I annoy enough to read my blog. I know these posts have been somewhat heavy lately, hopefully next week I’ll have something more fun and lighthearted to balance things out.


Lately it’s seemed like I’ve been making things for the wrong reasons. For nearly all of this year I’ve alternated between either thinking to myself “wow I spend all my time making stuff, isn’t this great?” and “wow I spend all my time making stuff, I wish I was normal and didn’t have to do this”. When I’m in a negative thought spiral or when I’m obsessed with trying to work out how to become normal I usually just end up thinking a lot about why I spend so much time screaming art into the void and why my life is just me trying to make things while coming across as a pretentious loser. I only really end up with one answer as to why I live my life like this.

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Author's profile picture ciaran m.

your struggle isn't new - yoñlu, alienation and the internet

content warning: mental illness, depression, suicide

I first stumbled upon Yoñlu’s music in September of 2016 through a review on rateyourmusic. I listened to his record “A Society in Which No Tear Is Shed Is Inconceivably Mediocre”, read one piece about him in PASTE magazine and then I pretty much forgot about him. That was until February of this year, where I randomly revisited his work while bored on Spotify only for his music to click. I then spent roughly two weeks obsessively listening to the same fourteen songs, bringing the topic up when talking to friends, constantly browsing the English-speaking side of the internet for information and refusing to shut up about Yoñlu’s music. This article is pretty much the result of this conflict - an attempt to put this topic to bed while sounding vaguely interesting.

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Author's profile picture ciaran m.

piracy is good actually

piracy is good actually

If you’ve had the misfortune of using the internet (specifically twitter) for the last few months you’ve probably seen a few anti-piracy whingers on your timeline. This demographic, which mainly consists of terminally horny Nintendo fans have a bone to pick with anyone who even dares to pirate a video game (or anything else for that matter) and they refuse to stop posting about it. This group, infuriated by a kid’s fighting game going up online early seem to think that by downloading a video game without shelling out eighty euros you’re personally firing employees, forcing corporations to add lootboxes into another mediocre battle royale and murdering babies. Now admittedly I do believe in oppressing all gamers but I also believe it’s fun to dunk on them first. So here’s a ramble about why piracy is one of the best aspects of the current internet.

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Author's profile picture ciaran m.

intro

When I first came up with the idea of me running a blog on neocities I planned on hosting some of my older writing on here so I’d actually have readable content from the start. However, two nights ago I read through the last finished post I wrote (a piece on dreams) and I quickly realized how trash it was. The sentences felt stiff and didn’t flow, everything felt detached and it was just a really bad read. As a result of this I decided to scrap my original plan, leaving me with an empty blog. So I’m here, writing this post to give myself the illusion of having done something productive today and giving others the illusion that there’s content on this site.

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Author's profile picture ciaran m.